Planning before the big day
Amy first contacted me in April 2013 about acting as Toastmaster for her wedding to Neil at Gretna Green on Sunday 28 July. Long before I put on the red tailcoat, there was preparation to do.
I sent the couple my wedding questionnaire, covering the reception venue, meal, receiving line, photographs, Grace, speeches and toasts, cake cutting, wedding party and any special requirements. We then held a telephone meeting to work through their plans and make sure I understood how they wanted their day to run.
That preparation is important. A Toastmaster should arrive knowing the plan — but also be ready for the plan to change.
While everyone else is at the ceremony
My normal routine is to arrive early, introduce myself to the duty manager and check the arrangements against my notes. I speak to the photographer about the agreed photographs, where they will be taken and how long they are likely to need. I then change into my Toastmaster’s tailcoat, check that all is well with the groom and let the bride know I have arrived.
While the bridal party is at the ceremony, there is plenty to do behind the scenes: check the dining room and place settings, confirm the seating plan and receiving line, and test the microphone or sound system. The aim is simple — when the newly married couple arrive, everything should be ready.
Welcoming the newlyweds
I was ready to meet Amy and Neil when they returned in the horse-drawn carriage, assist the bride as she stepped down and escort the couple into the reception. Drinks and photographs followed before I organised the receiving line and invited the guests into the dining room.
Once everyone was ready, I announced the entrance of the bride and groom, escorted them to the top table and pulled out Amy’s chair. After inviting the guests to be seated, I said a short non-religious Grace.
Keeping an eye on the room
During the wedding breakfast I don’t regard myself as off duty. I go around the tables to make sure guests are comfortable and answer questions about what happens next, then take my own place while continuing to keep an eye on the room — particularly the bride.
Many venues no longer have a dedicated maître d’ or floor manager permanently in the room. Waiting staff may disappear between courses, and if the couple or a guest suddenly needs something there may be nobody obvious to ask. I make a point of being there.
When emotion takes over
One moment from Amy and Neil’s wedding has stayed with me. Amy’s father was a big, strong, formidable-looking man — someone you might imagine would have no difficulty standing up and making a speech.
But when his turn came, the emotion of his daughter’s wedding completely overwhelmed him. He broke down and simply couldn’t deliver his speech.
I was ready to step in, but fortunately I didn’t need to. His son came forward, stood beside his dad and read the speech for him. It was a very moving family moment.
Ready when things don’t go to plan
Weddings are emotional occasions and even the best-prepared plans can change in an instant. Part of a Toastmaster’s job is to watch what is happening, recognise when somebody needs help and be ready to step in quietly if required.
I know personally how difficult a father-of-the-bride speech can be. Experience has taught me that the most useful person in the room is sometimes the one who is prepared for the unexpected.
Speeches, cake and the end of my duties
After the meal I invited everyone to take a short comfort break before the speeches. During that break I checked with the father of the bride, groom and best man, making sure they had their notes, knew the speaking order and understood how I would introduce them.
After the speeches came the cake cutting. I always allow the official photographer to take the photographs first and then invite the guests to take their own. Before the couple cut the cake, I explain that this is their first official act together as husband and wife and wish them a happy and prosperous life together.
When that was complete, I later announced that the bride and groom would retire and invited the guests to join them in the reception area while the room was prepared for the evening celebration. I wasn’t required to announce the first dance on this occasion, so my duties were complete.
The red coat — and the medals
For a traditional wedding I wear the red Toastmaster tailcoat, and I always wear my military medals with it: my Territorial Decoration, awarded for long service as a commissioned Territorial Army officer, and my Northern Ireland campaign medal. They are part of my own story and have accompanied me at many weddings and formal occasions over the years.
A professional Toastmaster should certainly bring ceremony and a sense of occasion to a wedding. But much of the real work happens more quietly: checking, coordinating, watching, reassuring and being ready to deal with whatever the day brings.